Understanding People Pleasing and Its Connection to Complex PTSD (CPTSD)

If you've ever found yourself bending over backward to please others, even when it’s inconvenient for you, you're definitely not alone. This tendency to prioritize others’ needs can often point to deeper issues, particularly Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD).

In this post, we’ll take a closer look at people pleasing, its connection to CPTSD, and how you can work through it in a constructive way.

What is People Pleasing?

People pleasing is a behavior where you go out of your way to make others happy, often at the expense of your own well-being. Here are some signs that you might be a people pleaser:

• Difficulty Saying No: You find it hard to decline requests, even when you’re overwhelmed.

• Conflict Avoidance: You’re uncomfortable with confrontations and will do anything to keep the peace.

• Seeking Validation: You frequently look for approval or compliments to feel good about yourself.

• Neglecting Personal Needs: You put your own needs last, often feeling resentful or exhausted.

  
  

While it’s wonderful to be supportive, excessive people pleasing can lead to burnout and strained relationships.

What is CPTSD?

Complex PTSD (CPTSD) is a mental health condition that can arise after experiencing prolonged or repeated trauma, especially in childhood. Unlike standard PTSD, which often follows a single traumatic event, CPTSD encompasses a wider range of symptoms, including:

• Emotional Regulation Issues: Struggling to manage feelings effectively.

• Self-Identity Challenges: Difficulty understanding who you are and what you want.

• Relationship Struggles: Trouble forming and maintaining healthy connections.

• Chronic Anxiety: A persistent sense of danger or panic.

  
  

For individuals dealing with CPTSD, behaviors like people pleasing can often surface as coping mechanisms.

The Connection Between People Pleasing and CPTSD

1. Seeking External Validation

Many individuals with CPTSD base their self-worth on how others perceive them.

If your confidence was undermined in formative years, people pleasing might feel like a way to earn acceptance.

2. Fear of Abandonment

CPTSD often cultivates a deep-seated fear of being abandoned or rejected.

This fear can lead you to go out of your way to avoid conflict or disapproval, resulting in people pleasing.

3. Avoidance of Conflict

Many with CPTSD have heightened sensitivity to conflict, seeing it as a potential trigger.

This sensitivity may push you to please others in order to maintain a sense of safety and harmony in relationships.

4. Difficulty Establishing Boundaries

Setting boundaries can feel daunting for those who've experienced trauma.

When you struggle with boundaries, prioritizing others becomes a default behavior, often sidelining your own needs.

Steps Toward Healing and Breaking the Cycle

If you’re looking to move past the cycle of people pleasing, here are some actionable steps to consider:

Recognize Your Triggers

• Identify situations where you feel compelled to please others.

• Awareness is the first step in breaking the pattern—catch yourself before defaulting to people-pleasing behaviors.

  
  

Practice Saying No

• Start small! Learning to say “no” is a crucial skill.

• Understand that it’s absolutely okay to prioritize your needs without feeling guilty about it.

  
  

Seek Professional Guidance

• Consider talking to a therapist who understands trauma and its effects.

• They can provide valuable tools and strategies specifically suited to your situation.

  
  

Cultivate Self-Compassion

• Work on being kinder to yourself. Engage in positive self-talk and validate your own feelings.

• Prioritize self-care activities that nurture your mental and emotional health.

  
  

People pleasing can deeply connect to the experiences of CPTSD, and recognizing this link is an important step toward healing. By understanding your behaviors, setting healthy boundaries, and seeking support, you can create a more balanced and fulfilling life. Remember, you deserve love and acceptance for who you truly are—without needing to cater to everyone else’s needs. Here’s to your journey toward a more authentic self!