Is My Therapist a Good Match? How To Decide.

Is My Therapist a Good Match? How to Know You’ve Found Your Therapy Soulmate

So, you've decided to start therapy—awesome! But now comes the big question: *Is my therapist the right fit for me?* It’s kind of like dating, but instead of swiping right or left, you’re trying to find someone who actually gets you, respects your quirks, and helps you feel safe enough to unpack your deepest, darkest stuff.

No pressure, but finding a good therapist is a lot like finding a good pair of jeans: it might take a few tries, but when you find the one, it just feels right. Here’s your friendly, slightly humorous guide to figuring out if your therapist is a match made in mental health heaven.

8 Key things to consider

1.Do They Know Their Trauma Stuff?

• Why it matters: You wouldn’t go to a podiatrist for a heart problem, right? Same with trauma—make sure your therapist *knows their stuff*.

• What to look for:

• Certifications or specialized training in trauma therapy (EMDR, TF-CBT, somatic work—you get the idea).

  • - Experience working with folks who’ve been through what you’ve been through.

  • - They speak your trauma language fluently.

• Ask: “Have you worked with people who’ve experienced what I have? How do you usually help them?”

If they look at you like a deer in headlights, maybe keep looking.

2. What’s Their Therapy Style?

• Why it matters: Some therapists are more “tell me everything and I’ll help you figure it out,” while others prefer a gentle “let’s explore this together.” Different strokes for different folks.

• Look for:

  • - A clear explanation of their approach.

  • - Approaches proven to help trauma survivors (EMDR, somatic, trauma-informed CBT).

  • - Flexibility—because no two brains are the same.

• Ask: “Can you tell me how you usually work with trauma? Do you have a philosophy or approach?”

If they start talking about their “secret method” that sounds like a magic spell, maybe ask for more details then run for the hills.

3. Do You Feel Safe and Heard?

• Why it matters: You’re sharing some of your most vulnerable stuff—you want to feel safe, not like you’re on a rollercoaster with no brakes.

• What to look for:

  • - Respectful, non-judgmental language.

  • - Boundaries that make you feel comfortable.

  • - Empathy, not just “professional robot” vibes.

• Signs you’re on the right track:

  • - You feel okay opening up about your story.

  • - They listen (really listen) without interrupting or judging.

  • - You leave feeling a little lighter, not more anxious.

4. Do You Actually Like Them?

• Why it matters: Yes, therapy is serious business, but that doesn’t mean you should feel like you’re talking to a robot or a stranger from a sci-fi movie.

• Look for:

  • - A rapport—you should feel like you’re talking to someone who *gets* you.

  • - A sense of humor (if that’s your thing).

  • - Compatibility with your communication style.

• Ask yourself: “Do I feel comfortable sharing? Do I feel understood? Or am I just putting on a brave face?”

Pro tip: If you’re dreading every session, it might be time to consider a different therapist.

5. Are They Culturally Competent?

• Why it matters: Your background, beliefs, and culture are part of your story. A good therapist respects that.

• Look for:

  • - Someone who’s aware of cultural influences on trauma.

  • - Someone who’s comfortable talking about race, gender, spirituality, or whatever makes you, *you*.

• Ask: “Have you worked with clients from my background? How do you incorporate cultural stuff into your work?”

If their answer involves a lot of “I don’t really do that,” maybe keep looking.

6. Practical Things Count, Too!

• Why it matters: Life’s complicated enough without adding logistical stress.

• Check:

  • - Location and schedule (are sessions at times that work for you?).

  • - Cost, insurance, sliding scale options—you shouldn’t have to sell a kidney to afford therapy.

  • - Session length and cancellation policies (because life happens).

• Ask: “Do you accept my insurance? What’s your fee? And what’s your policy if I have to cancel last minute?”

Because nobody wants to get hit with surprise charges or ghosting.

7. Trust Your Gut (It’s Usually Right)

• Why it matters: Sometimes, your instincts know best. If you feel uneasy or just *off* about someone, that’s okay.

• What to do:

  • - Take note of how you feel during and after sessions.

  • - Do you leave feeling hopeful, or exhausted?

  • - Do you feel safe and respected?

If something feels off, it’s totally okay to keep looking. You’re not marrying this therapist—you’re just trying them out.

8. Are They Encouraging Your Progress?

• Why it matters: Healing isn’t a straight line. A good therapist cheers you on, adjusts when needed, and checks in on how you’re feeling about the process.

• Look for:

  • - They ask for your feedback.

  • - They’re flexible if something isn’t working.

  • - They celebrate your wins, big or small.

• Ask: “How will we know if therapy is helping? Can we change things if I feel stuck?”

  
  

Because you deserve a therapist who’s in your corner, not just along for the ride.

In a Nutshell: Trust Yourself

Finding the perfect therapist is a bit like Goldilocks—sometimes you have to try a few before finding the one who’s *just right*. It’s okay to ask questions, take your time, and even switch if something doesn’t feel right.

Your healing journey is unique, and the right therapist will respect that, making you feel safe, supported, and understood. Remember, therapy is a partnership—so trust your instincts and don’t settle for less than what you need.

Need help finding a trauma-informed therapist who gets you?

Reach out to me or check out Psychology Today to browse qualified professionals. Your best mental health match is out there—you just have to find them!

*Disclaimer:* This blog is just friendly advice—think of it as a guide, not a substitute for professional mental health consultation.

Go forth with curiosity,

Jen McNeil, MSW, LICSW, CCTP