Deck the Halls, Not Your Family: A Holiday Survival Guide.

Ah, the holiday season—a time for joy, celebration, and, let’s be honest, sometimes a little bit of chaos. Between family gatherings, festive decorations, and an endless stream of holiday music, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. And if your family gatherings are more “Game of Thrones” than “Hallmark,” you might be dreading the inevitable drama. Fear not! With a few tips, some humor, and a dash of self-care, you can survive—and even enjoy—the holidays without decking your halls with ornaments... or your family with a few choice words.

14 tips to help you thrive this holiday season

1. Set Realistic Expectations (Yes, Even for Your Crazy Aunt)

Let’s face it: not everyone will be on their best behavior, and some relatives might bring their own brand of holiday chaos. Accept that Uncle Bob will probably tell the same joke he’s been telling since 1985, and Aunt Susan will insist her fruitcake is “the best ever.” Trying to change family members is like trying to teach a cat to do calculus—frustrating and unlikely to succeed. Instead, focus on what you can control: your reactions.

Pro Tip: Practice your “holiday zen”—take deep breaths, count to ten, or silently recite your favorite holiday meme. (Santa’s watching, after all!)

2. Create a Self-Care Plan (Santa Would Approve)

The holidays can be stressful, so it’s important to prioritize your mental health. Whether it’s a quiet walk, a warm bath, or a Netflix binge of your favorite holiday movies (no judgment here!), make time for yourself. Remember, even Santa takes a break to enjoy cookies—so give yourself permission to step back and recharge.

Humor Break: If the thought of Aunt Karen’s political commentary makes you want to hide under the table, remind yourself: “This too shall pass... like the fruitcake I’ll be pretending to love.”

3. Set Boundaries (Because ‘Yes’ Is Not a Four-Letter Word)

It’s okay to say no—really. Whether it’s declining Uncle Joe’s third helping of stuffing or opting out of the family karaoke night, boundaries are your friends. Politely but firmly, you can say, “Thanks, but I need a little break,” or “I’ll pass on the fruitcake, but I’ll take the box for storage later!”

Tip: Practice your “No, thank you” face in the mirror. Bonus points if you add a charming smile for extra effect.

4. Plan for the Unexpected (Like a Family Food Fight)

No holiday gathering is complete without a surprise—be it a spilled drink, a heated debate, or a surprise visit from the in-laws. Prepare yourself mentally: “This is not a test; it’s just a family tradition.” If things get tense, excuse yourself politely and find a quiet corner to breathe or practice some grounding techniques. Remember, you’re not alone; even the Grinch had a heart (and a very festive dog).

5. Focus on What Matters (Hint: It’s Not the Perfect Pinterest Photo)

While everyone’s posting flawless holiday photos on Instagram, remember that the real magic is in the moments—laughter with loved ones, sharing a meal, or simply enjoying a quiet moment with a cup of hot cocoa. Focus on connection, not perfection. Your family might be a little ‘quirky,’ but that’s part of what makes the holidays special.

6. Prioritize Communication (Because Silence Isn’t Always Golden)

Clear, respectful communication can prevent many holiday mishaps. If a topic is likely to ignite a debate, consider setting boundaries before the gathering begins. Use “I” statements like, “I feel overwhelmed when conversations turn political, so I’d prefer we keep it light today.” Remember, you don’t have to be confrontational—sometimes a simple, calm “Let’s talk about something else” can work wonders.

Humor Tip: Think of yourself as the holiday diplomat—armed with kindness and a good sense of humor.

7. Bring a Support System (Your Holiday Safety Net)

Surround yourself with supportive friends or family members who understand your needs. Whether it’s a close friend you can call or a partner who’s on your side, having someone to lean on can make a world of difference. Even if you’re physically alone at the gathering, know that your support system extends beyond the room—through texts, calls, or mental pep talks.

Fun Thought: Carry a “mental support squad”—a mental list of positive affirmations or funny memories to boost your mood when things get tense.

8. Focus on the Positive (Because There’s Always a Silver Lining)

Amid the chaos, there are often moments of genuine connection and joy. Maybe it’s that heartfelt toast, a shared laugh, or a cozy moment by the fire. Try to focus on these positives rather than dwelling on the mishaps. Practicing gratitude—listing a few things you’re thankful for—can shift your perspective and bring a little extra warmth to your heart.

Humor Reminder: When Aunt Karen starts her political debate, remind yourself: “At least I don’t have to agree with her—thank goodness for that!”

9. Choose Your Battles (And Save Your Energy for the Good Stuff)

Not every comment or action is worth a reaction. Sometimes, letting minor annoyances slide is the best gift you can give yourself. If your cousin’s joke falls flat or your sibling’s opinion irks you, ask yourself, “Is this worth my emotional energy?” Often, the answer is no. Pick your battles wisely—and remember, it’s okay to walk away or take a breather if things get heated.

Tip: Have a “battle plan”—like excusing yourself to get more eggnog or going for a quick walk outside to cool off.

10. Create Your Own Traditions

If family gatherings are consistently challenging or draining, consider starting your own holiday traditions with friends or loved ones who offer a more positive and supportive environment. Whether it’s a cozy movie night, a potluck brunch, or a holiday hike, creating new traditions can bring joy and a sense of control during these busy times. Plus, you might find that you enjoy celebrating your way!

11. Mindfulness and Meditation (Your Secret Holiday Weapon)

Practicing mindfulness or meditation techniques can help you stay present and calm amid family chaos. Simple breathing exercises—like inhaling slowly for four seconds, holding, then exhaling—can reduce stress and help you regain your composure. Even taking a moment to pause and center yourself during the festivities can make a big difference in maintaining your peace.

12. Seek Professional Help if Needed

If family issues are deeply rooted and causing significant distress, don’t hesitate to seek the help of a therapist or counselor. They can provide guidance, coping strategies, and emotional support tailored to your situation. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness—and it can make all the difference in navigating complex family dynamics.

13. Have an Escape Plan

If the situation becomes too overwhelming or toxic, it’s okay to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being. Plan ahead to leave early if needed—whether it’s a quick excuse or a pre-arranged ride. You don’t have to stay until the bitter end if it’s doing more harm than good. Your peace of mind matters most.

14. Learn to Say No

You don’t have to attend every family gathering or event—especially if it’s detrimental to your mental health. It’s perfectly okay to decline invitations when you feel overwhelmed or unsafe. Setting boundaries isn’t selfish; it’s a necessary act of self-care.

Celebrate Your Strength

The holidays can be a rollercoaster—sometimes joyful, sometimes bumpy, and occasionally making you want to hide in the closet with a bag of cookies. But with a little humor, some boundaries, good communication, and focus on the positives, you can navigate this season with grace—and maybe even a smile.

Remember: you’re stronger than you think, and you don’t have to do this alone. If holiday stress becomes overwhelming, therapy is a great tool for staying centered amidst the festivities.

Wishing you a holiday season filled with love, laughter, and just the right amount of eggnog,

Jen McNeil MSW, LICSW, CCTP